Dear microstock agencies that I love working for,

I need microstock t shirts. Please send me some? I make you guys a decent amount of money. Pretty please? It’s not easy being naked.  I’ve been selling stock photography for 5 years now, and never got a free t-shirt. I get a lot of mosquito bites and sunburn when I go outside.  Sometimes random people pinch my hairy nipples.  Purple nurples hurt. My dog also jumps on me and scratches me.  I promise to wear it a lot and tell people about what the company is all about.  I promise not to resell it on ebay or craigslist. Think of it as free advertising!

Love,
Todd